My Dreams are My fears...

The last couple of days have been slightly weird for me, a unique blend of Euphoria overcast by insecurity and fear. My mind constantly takes a deep dive into overdrive, it presents my dreams and the gravity they so clearly bear, it also presents my imperfections *sigh* and then I feel like I’m drowning.

Learning new things is great and refreshing but they come with a huge responsibility and an intense intensity. (LoL! What does that mean? I ask myself).

I move in a few weeks and I wonder what that will mean and the difference it will make to me, I know for certain though it will be added responsibility, it will also be more space and I’ll have my very own design studio… :)

I have just filled out an application to write freelance for a web site, my hope is that this will lead to me writing for a major magazine (cosmo or vogue), thinking that is really scary… and maybe one day I’ll meet my idol ‘Candace Bushnell’ just after I’ve sold my writings to channel 4 to make a series … even scarier.
I want to love passionately and intensely but I don’t know that I can give that level of love and commitment to anyone ever again, but I want it and desperately too, I think excessive amounts of oxytocin (the cuddly hormone) have invaded my insides. (This month’s Cosmo advised, I was on the way there, but not quite just yet!)
I want my corridor in my new apartment adorned with a Banksy, a rococo inspired vintage mirror and an erotic painting…

The Hamptons, Mykonos, Singapore and Monaco are only a few of the spots on the map I dream about, but, I feel like I would miss moments with my family if I was away every weekend and of course be very broke. :)
I look forward to Ivanaa (my Interior Architectural Dream) and being the lead design consultant on ‘Sting’s’ new home and ‘Elton John’s most recent castle parade after they've both walked into our ‘New Bond Street’ office screaming 'Ade is fabulous!, what you did with Posh's home is... (at a loss of words!).. LoL
I tenderly await the brood, a boy and a girl; but slightly nervous that they would somehow hinder the amazing things I long to build and look like their father! Oh NO!. (the irony is I'd want to build it for them, maybe, only if they are nice to me! :))
All of Candace Bushnell’s books are on my Amazon wishlist and I dream of watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Mary Poppins and Oliver Twist all over again, but I need time to network and socialise *sigh*…
Drastic measures have been taken to reduce my circle of influence, I have become more health concious, seized to waste precious moments on the metro as it focuses on the pain in the world, and stopped adding people to my Blackberry as I slowly wean myself off it. I sponsor a little girl In Africa and I write, but there’s a lot more I want to do…

Lock and key parties are an interesting distraction for me, LoL, one I want to investigate further, after years of pain , I booked an appointment with a top Podiatrist on Harley Street, Jason Hargraves, to finally put my ‘brachymetatarsia’ (shock and horror, there's  a medical term for it!lol) to rest, now what will 3 months of wearing a cast do to my social life. Dreams of sitting on my balcony typing away on my Mac in the winter , wrapped in a thick, thick duvet and warm, fugly socks, cup of coffee in tow, hunt me, ; ‘cheese and wine’ parties and Pimms in the Summer. Writing in Starbucks alongside fellow bloggers, my brand new BMW x5, creating memories with great friends, my list is endless... *sigh*
I see my dreams and then I feel like I’m slowly running out of time or wonder if life will once again delve me another cruel hand. These are my fears… and it’s also the reason I am completely overwhelmed by my relentless God. As I learn to number my days, I can’t help but think that growing up is confusing…

Randomly me...

...all I did was get in from work this evening with this insatiable desire to blog!...aaarggghhh! unreal! not again... My name's Ade and I'm a short term, serial blogger. I have started and deleted too many blogs, hadn't this unnecessarily complicated 29 1/2 year old living on the inside of me simply figured out that I was an excellent 'starter' and that was it. I sometimes wonder if I suffer from ADHD/ADD *sigh*... hmmmm!
The internal struggle went on for all of five minutes and of course, the starter in me won, however we laid down some ground rules. I WILL blog and I WILL post pictures. This time we're not anonymous and we'll write fun and useful stuff. We'll update at least once a week and we would love for you to comment.p.s we will moderate :)
We will not get too personal and we won't bare it all.
At 29, oh and a half, I've slowly become very self aware, fantastically the last few months have been amazing and I'm almost too scared to close my eyes, You might want to ask why '?'... In the very wise words of Aerosmith - 'I don't want to miss a thing' simply,oh by the way I'm extremely vain, I need the beauty sleep and I did watch an episode of 'House' in which the very sexy Hugh Laurie insinuated that death was unavoidable after 14 days of being awake,does it matter that he's not a real doctor? (note to self - call Mo and check). My point is 'I must sleep', so I decided to document almost every minute of the next few years. Hopefully you'll get to know me if you don't already or maybe even just get to know me better.

Apart from loving all things Jimmy Choo, I carry a lifetime goal to be totally happy, the ultimate point where ying meets yang... I completely adore 'Carrie Bradshaw' not Sarah... Carrie, and pathetically, desperately want her life. I do wonder is 'Carrie' all that she is because she has Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte and maybe even 'Big'... or would she be 'Carrie' without the crew?
I am a bit of a tomboy - slowly converting, that's definitely down to the engineer in me and finally my penchant for life is second to none. I simply luv to live. The next few years will be extremely significant to me...networking events, great parties, a bit about work and my journey to starting a business, I'll keep you informed on fab events,my time at central St. Martins, great recipes, great restaurants, McDreamys' and McSteamys', literally anything and everything. As all Londoners know, we live in an incredibly exciting city. Samuel Johnson says it excellently 'when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life'...I absolutely heart London!!!

I simply live a daunting mass of contradictions...

A

p.s enjoy the louboutins! Whats a girl without her guilty pleasures :)